As I was reading I was reminded of the discomfort I feel when someone asks me, 'How are you?'. It's such a loaded question and I often find myself asking myself, 'How am I?'. I didn't know that's what I do until I started writing this response to your piece and perhaps it is my asking it of me that creates the discomfort. Maybe both? Not that it matters. What does matter is the pause I take to ponder & the realization that I don't give myself the opportunity to respond. It feels loaded, more so if someone is close to me & waiting for a response....... Where to start? How long have you got? Do I actually know how I feel? I've never asked myself how I am & taken the time to respond until last night. Awake in the early hours with what I describe as hormonal anxiety was the ideal opportunity. I approached the question with kindness, gently probing to find a way in. I felt calm & in a strange way comforted as I knew that the person really wanted to know. More than that, she was patient & in no hurry for the answer.......
I love this: approaching the question with kindness. If someone asks how I am with such kindness and curiosity I’m more likely to be open, whereas if it’s done out of politeness then I’m more likely to be on autopilot. Thanks for sharing that, it’s an important element for me in asking the question in a compassionate way without demanding an immediate answer 🙏
As I was reading I was reminded of the discomfort I feel when someone asks me, 'How are you?'. It's such a loaded question and I often find myself asking myself, 'How am I?'. I didn't know that's what I do until I started writing this response to your piece and perhaps it is my asking it of me that creates the discomfort. Maybe both? Not that it matters. What does matter is the pause I take to ponder & the realization that I don't give myself the opportunity to respond. It feels loaded, more so if someone is close to me & waiting for a response....... Where to start? How long have you got? Do I actually know how I feel? I've never asked myself how I am & taken the time to respond until last night. Awake in the early hours with what I describe as hormonal anxiety was the ideal opportunity. I approached the question with kindness, gently probing to find a way in. I felt calm & in a strange way comforted as I knew that the person really wanted to know. More than that, she was patient & in no hurry for the answer.......
I love this: approaching the question with kindness. If someone asks how I am with such kindness and curiosity I’m more likely to be open, whereas if it’s done out of politeness then I’m more likely to be on autopilot. Thanks for sharing that, it’s an important element for me in asking the question in a compassionate way without demanding an immediate answer 🙏