Do you need more or to feel moored?
How one can be a substitute for the true longing for the other and a winter retreat
It’s been a while, eh?! The last time I wrote we were in the last days in summer, and here we are now, in the northern hemisphere, in the depths of winter heading into the Christmas period. I truly hope this Substack finds you and yours healthy and well.
Before we head into the post, I want to let you know about a few of my offerings that may be of interest. In February I’m holding Senses Beyond Snowdonia Winter Retreat, a weekend of nourishing practices in the most beautiful scenery. Involving some of themes covered in these Substack posts with Embodied Yoga, meditation, and reflective creative work, the weekend is about feeling your whole self more clearly, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There are just two single rooms remaining and one twin room. If you’d like to book on, drop me a line at hello@sensesbeyond.com
If you’re in or around Manchester, I’ll be holding a New Year special class on the theme of Presence on Saturday 20th January 2024, 12-2:30pm, followed by cake and tea. This in-person session is £30. If you’re interested, send me an email!
Thank you for reading. Xx
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Meandering
More followers. More likes. More views. More reach. More impact. More success. More, more, more. Then there’s the other word that sounds just like more, but has a totally different meaning: moor (and I’m not speaking about the magically uncultivated land of the Brontë sisters). It’s strange how the psyche can blank out the meaning of same sounding words, because if we remembered ‘moor’ each time we craved for ‘more’ then we could ask ourselves a pretty pertinent question.
The more I’m referring to above is additional, increased, added. The other moor refers to anchor, to secure, such as mooring a boat to a tree. So there’s the more that involves searching to add to what is already there, and there’s the moor that is finding a place to root, belong, and be secure.
So my question is: Is the ‘more’ that I’m looking for helping me to feel I belong to where I find myself right now?
Am I, and if this resonates with you, you, trying to look for more when all we really want to feel is moored to something that can hold us through the storms and sunshine?
If the anecdotes of famous people is anything to go by, having fame and adoration is never a replacement for those meaningful relationships that show up through the ups, downs, and spirals of life.
Belonging starts small. Is starts with the immediate relationships that have been tried and tested because it’s those people that see us, warts and all, and still accept us. They’ve been part of our journey, witnessed us succeed, fail, and still want to hold us. Often the more that we search for is not as steadfast, so each time ‘more’ doesn’t give us the belonging we need and lets us down, we probably search for ‘more’ to fill the void.
Over this last year especially, I’ve put down my binoculars and turned around to look at the people who I’ve been moored to all this time but just hadn’t fully realised it, or, and admit this with some shame, had taken for granted. Faces and hearts that recognise me as I was, as I am, and hold the space for who I might be.
My eyes tingle and are becoming wet as I feel each of you with enormous love and gratitude.
I wish you all a festive period with period filled with a person or people to whom you truly belong.
Warmest wishes,
Charlene
Wonder
Close you eyes and being to mind one person who you know has your back, who loves you as you are. See how they look at you, how your welfare, your happiness matters to them. Feel how they matter to you, their happiness and wellbeing impacts you. What sensations are you aware of? If you wish, bring into your awareness up to 10 people, feeling how you matter to each person and they matter to you. Once you can see each person’s face clearly, imagine you all standing together in a circle of belonging and feel how it is to belong.
Reflect
It was around a decade ago I read this parable and although I’ve forgotten its lesson many times, it’s impacted me. I read this as the fisherman knowing where he belongs, he is moored to his environment, to the here and now, much to the annoyance of the businessman who implores him to have more. The fisherman is the part of us that deeply knows where contentment is found, and the businessman is the part that’s always searching outside for the treasure that’s already inside.
The businessman and the fisherman
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman.
“You should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer. “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”